I Am Feeling So Tense About The Finals

Women be expelling waste.As I sit here watching my housemates Sarah and Gillian watch Australia’s Next Top Model (that’s right, I’m not watching, I’m watching them watching), I do wonder if the contestants get schooled in the reality television tense. By which I mean, of course:

Model A (a week after the events of the episode): And I’m standing there, and I am so nervous about whether I’m going to win.

*shot of her winning the upside-down mascara leather koala shoot with Vivica A. Fox*

Model A: And I’m like “yay!”, I just won! And then I’m like, I wonder what the prize is?

*shot of her receiving a spa day with Vivica A. Fox and a chance to be on the cover of Koala Fortnightly magazine*

Model A: And I’m like “wow, Vivica A. Fox spa day!” and it just feels so good.

It’s past tense, it’s present tense, it’s whatever-you-want-it-to-be-because-you’re-a-modern-woman-in-today’s-society-and-you-know-what-you-want-and-you-know-how-to-get it tense.

And I’m, like, so hoping it catches on.


About alfla

Playwright, screenwriter, sometime improv enthusiast and full-time television lover. You know, in THAT way.
This entry was posted in Hey Look At This, Televisual Musings and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to I Am Feeling So Tense About The Finals

  1. Celina says:

    Wait, she’s a modern woman? I’M a modern woman!

  2. H.E. ELLIS says:

    You should get an award for “Koala Fortnightly Magazine.” Brilliant.

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