As I sit here watching my housemates Sarah and Gillian watch Australia’s Next Top Model (that’s right, I’m not watching, I’m watching them watching), I do wonder if the contestants get schooled in the reality television tense. By which I mean, of course:
Model A (a week after the events of the episode): And I’m standing there, and I am so nervous about whether I’m going to win.
*shot of her winning the upside-down mascara leather koala shoot with Vivica A. Fox*
Model A: And I’m like “yay!”, I just won! And then I’m like, I wonder what the prize is?
*shot of her receiving a spa day with Vivica A. Fox and a chance to be on the cover of Koala Fortnightly magazine*
Model A: And I’m like “wow, Vivica A. Fox spa day!” and it just feels so good.
It’s past tense, it’s present tense, it’s whatever-you-want-it-to-be-because-you’re-a-modern-woman-in-today’s-society-and-you-know-what-you-want-and-you-know-how-to-get it tense.
And I’m, like, so hoping it catches on.